Menopause – The Shit No One Talks About

  1. Raine says:

    I went through menopause early, around 47. Just stopped having periods and never had another! I waited the year to see if it was just a joke, but nope. No more periods! I’ve had the hot flashes and night sweats, but really nothing worse than I’ve had my whole life. And yes, the black cohosh works! I had a bit of fog and forgetfulness but truly it wasn’t that bad for me. Now ask my kids, and you may get a different story ???? But they are prone to exaggerate and let’s be honest, lie.

    • Anonymous says:

      I love your honesty,and I also can relate ????

    • Danelle Harvey says:


    • Gayle says:

      Yup I had a total hysterectomy at 33! He put me on hormones and was a raging lunatic for like 5 years. Stopped them and I had hot flashes for a while I still do but not bad. That was 21 years ago. But I can relate to a lot of it. Feel way better than being on them tho!

    • Lexi Butler says:

      Oh dear so where do I start? Ok, last year I weighed 205lb, then over the course of last year till now I lost 60 lbs and now I am at 145lbs. Let’s start with that. I am 54, and I know for a fact that my metabolism is at roaring speed. I have been taking Black Cohosh, 2-3 times 2 dropper fulls a day now for a month, and take that crap Amberen. Guess what I am totally perplexed, it ain’t helping, nothing is. I am having intense heatwaves. Yesterday I forgot to take the Black Cohosh and the Amberen. I only had one fricking hot-flash last night. AHHHHHHH wow. So I am off the cohosh. I think my body is feeling 24 again, sure starting to look like it, I forgot to mention all the saggy skin is going bye-bye too, with having become a gym rat so to say, before that COVID19PANDEMIC hit.

  2. Chris says:

    OMG. Thank you for writing this. Carbon copy of the shit that’s going on over here.????

  3. Judy in disguise says:

    Yes, yep, yep, and oh yeah! I hate to break this to you, but I’m 166, and I’m still there. I had a hysterectomy when I was 150, due to bleeding like a stuck pig for 6 months out of the year from fibroids. A year later, I had to have my ovaries removed because I had endometriosis on one of them. That THREW me into hot flashes. I’m talking every 10 minutes from 5PM to 10 AM…= no sleep. I went on the estrogen patch and that took care of that. I just weened myself off of them this year, and the hot flashes are back…but not as often. Everyone has different experiences, my Mom used nothing to get through menopause, as did my cousin & sister in law. I couldn’t tough it out…my doctor told me I NEEDED my sleep…I was on the edge and the patch took care of it. I go to the gym 4-5 days a week, and it does NO good, except to make me stronger, which is ok with me. I know people my age that have the bodies of 80 yrs olds. The older you get, the harder it is to lose weight, but I did manage to drop 20 lbs last year, but it wasn’t fun!! Oh, and my armpits smell like green beans :-/ The struggle is real, and about all we can do is support each other in the menopause sisterhood.

    • Rebecca Quade says:

      Yes to everything! You nailed it…….. EXACTLY and any women that says they go through menopause without a symptom, well…… they just must be in denial. So totally enjoy your instagram stories !

    • Danelle Harvey says:

      hahaha thank you! ????

  4. Steph Boyd says:

    I’m having many of the same issues. Oh and my periods…..instead of skipping them sometimes I get 2 in 3 weeks. Oh what fun

  5. Maureen says:

    This blog post is awesome! Thank you!

  6. Cathy says:

    You summed it up beautifully girl. Love you guys even more after this post. ????❤️????Wish I could tell you it gets better but 5 years after menopause starting or what the hell ever, lol it still is pretty much like this. Can say the saying NO part gets MUCH easier! ????❤️

  7. Carol says:

    Oh my gosh! You covered it all so well, I’d say with grace and style too! I’m 59, I tell people I’m pushing 60! I think it’s to prepare myself for actually saying 60! I take hormones, didn’t want to, but it helps the marriage, so I do. I’m lucky, it kind of ended my hot flashes, but not the other stuff. I have hashimotos, so that comes with a slew of symptoms and stuff. Isn’t this rollercoaster more fun than the old one! I’m with you, fun is staying home!

    • Danelle Harvey says:

      hahahaha it sure it. I have thyroid issues, too. So, I’m constantly trying to find a balance of calm.

  8. Carol Grover says:

    This is why I call it the “RUST years” not the golden years. You petty much covered everything.

  9. Karen says:

    Lol. I think you covered it well. So many things they don’t tell you, almost as if they tell you they are afraid it will come true because of course it’s “all in our heads”. I had a hysterectomy a year ago, where they accidentally found cancer, not a symptom until then. Recently I went to my oncologist and gave him my symptoms and basically he thought I was creating them lol. i can’t have hormones, so went to a GP who is a naturopath. She found my symptoms were from a cause, duh!!!! I expected my hormones to be out of wack, but not other things, like thyroid, magnesium, and cortisol that was off the charts. She has given me prescriptions for some but natural for others. Such as you do, waking up in the middle of the night (kavinace) and one for the stress and anxiety that is raising my cortisol levels and putting weight on (cortisol Manager), even though I don’t feel it my body is producing it). So look into whatever medicine you feel best with and see what really is going on. (Ps most drs just get the basic blood work done. Ask for more wide ranging.)

  10. Tina says:

    Lol. I’m 58 and I was so happy to stop wearing pads only to find 2 yrs later I had to wear them all over again. This was something I never heard anyone talk about before. As women we need to share more. I have been telling all my young friends the joy that awaits them after their period stops. They now have period panties(no pads needed) and potty panties that art wonderful, pricey but wonderful. They are made by icon. Thank you so much for sharing as only you can. I’m glad I had on my pee panties when you got the your armpits. LMAO????

  11. Donna says:

    I get night sweats really bad! My eyes pop open in the middle of the night, then I feel this hot flush start at my feet and work it’s way to the top of my head. It also causes a feeling of dread and anxiety! The next day I’m pretty much like a zombie because it happens several times a night. I haven’t had them in a few weeks but they come and go. They say flax seed helps. I tried it for awhile and it does work. The night sweats and anxiety have been my worst symptoms. I may be on the other side now of this menopaussl stuff! I sure hope so! Anyway I can so relate to everything in your post! Take care and hang in there it does get better! Donna

    • Danelle Harvey says:

      Thanks so much. And all of my anxiety and dread come with my normal time I was supposed to start my period. I can exactly feel it bubbling up from within about 3 days before. ????

  12. Debbie says:

    How about the hair loss and the extremely dry skin, the loss of collagen that creates jowls? Ugh. I was forced into menopause 8 years ago at 45 and am not a fan of any of it or of getting older. Thanks for sharing your story.

    • Danelle Harvey says:

      hahahaha I totally forgot a few things, so I’m going to re-vamp the post. The jowls are a real thing. ???? And I forgot all about the dry skin. I’ve always had oily skin so mine is now about normal. Deb, however, is the opposite. Her legs are very reptile-ish. ????

  13. Robin Dickson says:

    I had to have a total hysterectomy at 31 but before that they did these shots to put me into menopause for 3 months. Boy was that fun???? My dr also gave me estrogen pills after the hysterectomy that did not work because my liver does not properly filter like it should so they just gathered in there and had a party for about 10 years. Finally went to a female dr and she did the right test and i had no estrogen in my body at all. I was a crazy person i felt. She gave me a patch and a mild depressant that controls hot flashes and boy i slap that patch on my butt cheek once a week and I’m good to go. Made the mistake of trying natural for a couple of months and walked into my closet screamed bloody murder and proceeded to grab a patch and within 3-4 days i was back to normal. I gained so much upper body weight from not having estrogen in my body for all those years my dr compared it to a lil old lady you see at church who has went through the change and is all full on top and lil chicken legs. I was like well how do i get rid of this she said you probably won’t because you went so long without this is how your body is going to be. Gee thanks.
    Also having a hysterectomy that young my son has seen me pee my pants more times than he cares to. But he also is the reason for it most of the time.

    • Nancy says:

      I’m right there with everything said and every gal saying it! This is like the stirrups at the gyno, if it was a male issue, I’m sure many of these symptoms, like internal exams and mammograms, would be different. ????

      My symptoms started when I turned 41, like when I started the rollercoaster ride at 12 yrs old, migraines. I’m 55 now, still with them. I tried BIHT and at least I had a period, but I knew when to expect my most severe migraines. Last year, suddenly I had 3 large fibroids, so I was off everything cold turkey and I just continually have migraines. Finally, after 6 months of waiting for a neurologist, I’m trying Botox for my migraines and the spots she injects are very different than for cosmetic Botox. I’ve had cosmetic Botox and it did help with specific migraines; however, insurance covers Botox from a neurologist, not a dermatologist.
      I do suggest going to an Intgrative Doctor, because they will test for different levels in your blood and help you balance out your system. I was on that path back in 2016, but got sidetracked by caring of parents and their passing.
      One of the ladies did mention, kavinace & my dr has given that to me and also, kavinace pm, which also helps. AdreCor is for stress management.

      I was reading Jawls, ???????? & hair loss ????????, weight gain ????????, & funny enough I just told my husband I’m peeing more laughing than when I have to pee! ????
      The only thing that gets me down is the pain of migraines. But i just try to keep laughing.
      Yes, I mourn the days of eating only a big breakfast everyday and loosing 5 lbs – wearing a size 6 (I’m 14 now) – but to give up my voice NOPE; to not care what someone says, YEP.
      I’m sending love to all!

    • Danelle Harvey says:

      hahahahaha Awwwww…. I love this. Thanks for commenting and hang in there.

    • Danelle Harvey says:

      hahaha Oh my gosh…. It is true. On of my friends asked her doctor how to lose weight because she was doing everything she could to take off a few pounds. The doctor said, “You probably won’t… so just stop trying.” ????????‍♀️

  14. Anonymous says:

    OMG!!!!! Everything you said about menopause is right on the nose with me sometimes I thought I was going crazy but it is good to hear that women are having the same experience and feelings thanks for sharing ????????????

  15. Meredith says:

    The only thing I haven’t got is the “hog barn smell”, but everything thing else, yes!!!!
    The crazy periods are enough to drive you insane.
    I went through a spell of thinking that my husband of 25 years, was wanting a woman that had no floppage. I all but drove him right out the door, until I got on Prozac. Best medication anybody has ever created. I am 46, and I hope this shit ends at 47.
    Hang in there, we will all get through this together!!!!

    • Danelle Harvey says:

      hahahahahaha awwww… bless your heart. The struggle is completely real.

  16. Anonymous says:

    Love your candidness and sense of humor.???? I have some of these symptoms myself so I can relate. Insomnia is the worst although it is manageable with edibles.????. Love watching your insta stories you make me ????

    Have a nice weekend!

  17. Cathy G. says:

    I love this!!!! You’re so darn real and down to earth I appreciate it so much! I am 57 and I had my last period December 2016 So it’s been a little over year of being period free ???? I really don’t have hot flashes I just get really warm and I can’t sleep well… i’m usually wide awake at 3 o’clock every morning drives me crazy ! I have very high anxiety….. i’ve been taking yoga two or three times a week and I think that helps a bit but I think it’s just hormones or lack there of …… I am thicker in the middle with floppage ???????????? so I wear spanx camis that smooth it out a bit! I truly believe it’s a privilege to grow old I’m finding too many people that aren’t and it’s breaking my heart …. I try to wear cute clothes ( i have that gray off the shoulder top you had on) have a cute haircut put make up on … fluff up my cute house and cook yummy dinners for my husband also enjoy my cute grandbabies…. and look forward and not dwell in the past and on my size 7 jeans ???? also I’m the one that sent you the pics of bralets gom Walmart in your IG story…. I know Walmarts your favorite ????????????

    • Danelle Harvey says:

      hahahahahahah I’m dying at the Walmart statement. I need to check there. And your comment made me so happy. This is exactly how I feel. I’m very happy with my very imperfect me!

    • Danelle Harvey says:

      hahahahaha awww thanks for the kind words. And the anxiety is the thing that is soooo difficult to tame for me. And, I agree. My floppage isn’t going anywhere.. So I will deal with it. ????

  18. Anonymous says:

    Omgosh!!! You got it right girl!! Menopause seriously sucks…I am 63 & juat had a total hyster & bladder repair with it….the bladder repair was NO fun at all…the Hyster part didn’t bother me but the post op bladder repair felt like someone had a toilet plunger & stuck it up there was was plunging it for about 6 weeks….PRESSURE!!!! Anyway….I have always been in the thin side…I will guarantee anyone inenopaise that within a year your waistline will no longer be visible….like someone hooked you up to the free air pump at the gas station & inflated your middle section. There is no way to get around it! Literally speaking! Thus I’m 63 & now actually have the body of a 95 yr old….then the bat wings under your arm start to grow & you could take off with a slight breeze at any moment….mood. swings are crazy too!! I’ve always been in the middle range when it comes to anxiety….now I’m anxious over pretty much anything that happens in a 24hr period of the day…& why am I starving 20 min after I ate breakfast & have to snack 13 times before lunch???? How do men get better looking with age & we look older everyday??? Not fair!!! At least it happens to all of us!! Lol!

    • Danelle Harvey says:

      Oh my gaaaaahhhhhhh…. ouchy. And, I’m dying ???? laughing at the air pump statement. It’s sooooo true. And the hunger is indescribable.

  19. DeWanda Cole says:

    You are so right about this menopause crap. I’m like DEB, The FIRE starts within my soul and it appears when I’m teaching a karate, kick boxing, or strength training class ughhh. Some days i am mean as hell and i’ve noticed that i don’t want to be around other people especially stupid people ???? I don’t know why i haven’t tried anything to help with this craziness but i will look into Prim Rose Oil and Black Cohosh. Thanks and may the force be with us ???????? ????????

  20. Tracey says:

    I absolutely loved this!!!! So many things I’m going through and no one understands lol! Thanks for the laughs!

  21. Daphney says:

    Love this post! I have a lot of the same feelings.. I stopped having my monthly cycle at age 40. I’m 55 now. Hot flashes are almost gone, but one sneeks in and gets me once in a while. I find that eating clean and avoiding sugar helps. I still have a good energy level, but early in the day. And if the sun is shining????. My moods are very affected by the weather. Hopefully spring and some warm weather show up soon here in Pennsylvania.

    • Danelle Harvey says:

      My moods are COMPLETELY affected by the weather. If it’s rainy, cloudy, windy, dark, dreary, snowy, or anything resembling the above, I’m sour. ????

  22. Michelle says:

    Thanks for sharing! We have to have humor to get through this!

    My sleeping hint…. when you wake in the middle of the night, DONT look at your clock. It sets your brain to wake up at that time every night. I had the same problem & this has really helped.

    • Danelle Harvey says:

      I’ve been trying this out and it does work to an extent. If I know what time it is, I keep thinking how many hours it’s going to take me to get back to sleep and that I may as well not even try. ????

  23. Michelle says:

    Love this; it’s all so pitifully true!! Weird horrific periods, dark hairs growing everywhere and the pee pants!! Hate that the most. Wth is that all about? Carry extra undies to work and am thankful I have a couple of the same pants at home so I don’t have to explain why I changed!! Just realized I have an old lady diaper bag!!!! Being a girl sucks sometimes … thanks so much for all the laughs. It’s good to know I’m not alone!! xoxo

  24. You just described my whole life!! Smelly, cranky and no energy!! Even though there’s nothing bad to be cranky about!! Luckily I have a Hubby that makes me laugh!! At least everyone knows they are normal now!!

  25. Michelle says:

    Love your honesty; it’s all so pitifully true. Weird horrific periods, dark hair sprouting everywhere and the pissy pants WTH is that all about?? I always have extra panties and am glad to have a couple pairs of the same pairs of pants so I don’t have to explain why I changed. Great … I just realized I now carry an old lady diaper bag!!! Thanks for all the laughs. It’s great to know I’m not alone!! xoxo

    • Danelle Harvey says:

      hahahahahahahahha Maybe I should do a post on how to pack “old lady diaper bags.” ????

  26. Christine says:

    I’m with ya! I had a hysterectomy five years ago and it threw me into meno. Can’t sleep worth a darn, am a zombie all day, until 3 pm at least, then I wake up in time to drive home from work and then can’t fall asleep until 1 am and am up at 4 or so, or am late for work, take your pick!! The hot flashes are pretty well done now, thank goodness for that. They were awful, and so obv to all your co-workers. Nothing like shredding all clothes except those you have to keep on!!! Am too tired when I get home to do anything though! Broke my arm over two years ago, 2 failed surgeries, so you want to talk batwings!? I’ve got them in spades, one arm is overdeveloped and the other is under….so much fun…..and the closest my stomach gets to seeing a crunch is me eating a potatoe chip! I have no desire to have a boyfriend, and was ‘boy crazy’ all my 155 year old life! I can eat two dill pickles all day, or I can eat a whole jar…depends. The worst is not sleeping though….makes everything that much more difficult. I am lucky that I still want to go out; so friends, go to movies, dinner, concerts; but haven’t done much because winter is nasty still. I feel like at least we are all in the same ‘club you don’t want to be in’. And yes, if I could go back 5 years, I would. I wouldn’t want to be 20 again though. Danelle, thanks for starting this conversation. You and Deb keep it real!

  27. Christine says:

    I’m with ya! I had a hysterectomy five years ago and it threw me into meno. Can’t sleep worth a darn, am a zombie all day, until 3 pm at least, then I wake up in time to drive home from work and then can’t fall asleep until 1 am and am up at 4 or so, or am late for work, take your pick!! The hot flashes are pretty well done now, thank goodness for that. They were awful, and so obv to all your co-workers. Nothing like shredding all clothes except those you have to keep on!!! Am too tired when I get home to do anything though! Broke my arm over two years ago, 2 failed surgeries, so you want to talk batwings!? I’ve got them in spades, one arm is overdeveloped and the other is under….so much fun…..and the closest my stomach gets to seeing a crunch is me eating a potatoe chip! I have no desire to have a boyfriend, and was ‘boy crazy’ all my 155 year old life! I can eat two dill pickles all day, or I can eat a whole jar…depends. The worst is not sleeping though….makes everything that much more difficult. I am lucky that I still want to go out; so friends, go to movies, dinner, concerts; but haven’t done much because winter is nasty still. I feel like at least we are all in the same ‘club you don’t want to be in’. And yes, if I could go back 5 years, I would. I wouldn’t want to be 20 again though. Danelle, thanks for starting this conversation. You and Deb keep it real!

  28. Christine says:

    I wrote a whole post and hit the wrong button and lost it. Believe me, it was witty….. Suffice to say that five years ago I had a hysterectomy and it threw me into menopause. The hot flashes were the worst…I think I’m over the worst of them now, only to have them replaced with disgusting lack of sleep. I can’t fall asleep, stay asleep, or sometimes get up. I’m a zombie at work and then I drive home only to be exhausted and do NOTHING all night, but can’t fall asleep. I would easily go back 5 years ago or even 10; but I wouldn’t go back further. I’m 155 and look about 10 years older than that now. I looked so much better, and that made me feel so much better. I broke my wrist over 2 years ago and had 2 failed surgeries, so it doesn’t turn, so my hair doesn’t get done, my house is a mess and I wear moto boots every day to work. I can manage the dishes. I do at least keep it social as much as possible, and only because I’m single. Of course, most of my friends are in meno and have their own battles. I like to go out with friends, to dinner, movies, concerts. I’m more stubborn than normal. I can eat 2 dill pickles a day, or a whole jar; depends on the day; and I might lose weight or not. At least I feel like i’m in the ‘club that no one wants to be in’. I just wish I had my energy and drive back; I miss that so much. And a decent night’s sleep. That I really miss the most. Thank you everyone for sharing; it is great to hear that others are in the same boat and I’m not alone. Danelle, you and Deb keep it real and thanks for putting this out there!

    • Danelle Harvey says:

      Awwww thank you for the kind words. Yes, it is so frustrating not having sleep. I totally understand that part. ????

    • Kristina says:

      Christine are you on HRT? Just curious.
      Iam brand new to this menopause as of 4 weeks ago(total Hys and ovaries removed) I am 39yrs.

  29. Areda says:

    Sounds like you are describing me!! My husband says I’m nice “sometimes “, lol. I use compound topical hormones and a progesterone capsule at night plus Ambien so I can sleep! I keep telling myself it could be worse ????

  30. Corey Piercr says:

    I started perimenopause at 42 and am still in the midst of it at 47. Two things that are most annoying besides sleep: having to use birth control because you don’t want to be the oldest mom in kindergarten and that you have to go 12 months without a period to be considered menopausal and not worry about birth control. I keep hitting 9 months and then having a period. For 5Years I have been go nine months no period and then period. I swear, I am ready to throw caution to the wind and roll the dice. Surely everything down there is covered in dust. Sleeping or not sleeping has been tough (thank you time release melatonin and no thank you Ambien (selfies taken while asleep) has been rough. On the bright side, my husband is overjoyed because I just randomly will start peeling clothes off (hot flashes) and can be often found doing chores in my underwear. Ahhh, the joys! Lol!

    • Danelle Harvey says:

      hahahahahaha hilarious. I swear Deb would walk around completely naked 24/7 if it were appropriate in all situations. ????

  31. Tammy Shaw says:

    Thank you for always being real and always being you! I had hysterectomy and both ovaries removed when I was 25! Yep. Instant menopause. I stayed on estrogen for years as my doctors told me I would age rapidly without them. Not necessarily externally, but internally. In other words my heart and other organs would age way before their time, shortening my life. So estrogen for years but they tapered my dose lower and lower over the years to try to simulate natural aging. Then in my 50’s the cut me off completely! I’m now 62 and have been experiencing all the fun you described for years. Ugh. Plus hair loss and head and face sweating that won’t quit. I can go from normal dry hair to looking like I just stepped out of the damn shower with my hair wringing wet in the span of five minutes. This is especially wonderful when it happens while talking to a client. lol I hadn’t even thought about trying some natural or alternative remedies. Going to explore that for sure. And NO, I would not go back and be 20 again! I love the confidence, freedom, and the “I don’t give a fuck” that comes with this age! ????

    • Danelle Harvey says:

      Wow…that’s young. hahahahah and yep….. That’s exactly how I feel. ????????it all. ????

  32. Stacy says:

    Thank you, thank you for this post, it will be 2 years in 2 days that I had a complete hysterectomy due to endometriosis, left 1 ovary to ease me into menopause, I was almost 40, less then a year later the final ovary was removed along with more endometriosis, woke up to menopause and everything you stated is true here. All I can say is I’m glad to hear everything I try and describe to people that I am not alone in!!

  33. Christine says:

    I am 149….so just slow dancing through perimenopause…my skin is changing, my muscle tone is non existent, and I am packing on more pounds than usual. My favorite part of your post is that you are the most extroverted introvert. Hahaha! That is how I always describe myself. And that has it’s own pros and cons. I enjoy your insta-stories and your posts. Thanks for the giggles!

  34. Gee says:

    Omg! I could use written some of this. This whole menopause thing sux! I’m turning 54 this Sunday ????????
    Thr weight gain. Why?! Greer. I’ve always been little. 5’2″ ith a small frame. Now along with the irritability and headaches , came the floppage. Ugh! I was a manic workout person. I joked that I was addicted to endorphins. Now I sometimes begrudge the 2 mile walk with the dog .
    I have chosen a hormone free way. My hot flashes seem to be manageable, just a it sweaty and warm. I have gotten some relief using Progessence. An oil blend from young living. It helps with my irritability, even the headaches.
    I am not a fan of this getting old business. I est pretty healthy. I have friends who, in the effort to loose weight have given up sugar, chocolate and a few, wine. Nope! I refuse to sub sugar for some new substitute. AND I need a bit of wine and chocolates to deal with this getting old crap. I am learning to dress floppage friendly. ????????
    Thanks Danelle for making me laugh daily!

    • Danelle Harvey says:

      hahahahah thanks so much. I have accepted my floppage, too…. I just cover it up these days. Wayyyyy easier. ????

  35. Maureen-London Calling says:

    Danielle you are the bomb! I have shared this with my husband and 5 grown kids so they can understand how I have been feeling. I just turned 50 a couple months ago but had a hysterectomy 8 years ago and was left with 1 ovary so it has been a slow process. I recently went on the patch because I thought I was losing my mind! Seriously????
    Thank you for posting this article with your humour and no bullshit way-you nailed it girl!

    • Danelle Harvey says:

      hahahaha thank you. And seriously. I sometimes say, “Am I getting Alzheimer’s because I can’t remember shit.” Hang in there.

  36. Linda says:

    ABSOLUTELY SPOT ON !!!!!!!!!! Only one thing, I am 61 and still dealing with all of this, except the periods……..but, I see I am not the only one. I love this post, I feel little more normal now.

    • Danelle Harvey says:

      hahaha Awwwww…. The struggle is real. And I was hoping it would be done soon for me. But I’m thinking not. ????

  37. Joann okoniewski says:

    Haha! The insomnia and anxiety are beyond words. But the smell from my armpits!! This happened to me for awhile after giving birth also…never read that one in all of the cute pregnancy books!

  38. Cindy says:

    How about the dry skin? Not just dry, but desert dry, with fish scale texture. I can apply lotion every 5 minutes and you absolutely can’t tell! AND after a lifetime of clear skin I now have acne!! Acne at 55! What the!
    I couldn’t take HRT due to family history of breast cancer , but thankfully hot flashes were few.
    The floppage though… can’t make it budge. I boot camp everyday, watch my diet- nothing. Friends say it will go away one day. I’m not buying it.

    • Danelle Harvey says:

      hahaha I’m afraid floppage is here to stay. Unfortunately. And I don’t have dry dessert skin. Deb does though. Her legs look a little reptile-ish. ????

  39. Becky says:

    Omg!! You should write your own column for a paper! Like Erma Bombeck! I am 57 and PM now. I started the change in my early 40’s. This past year I found out that I have a lonnnng list of autoimmune problems, Lupus being the biggie. With Lupus, my face will turn radish red if I get hot or stressed. So embarrassing! Thank you for sharing!

  40. Heidi says:

    Thank you for posting. As has been said, more women have to share for those of us who have lost their mom and have no older friends and have no idea it’s all normal. I actually feel lucky because I don’t have the pit smell or pee leakage… eek. Doing some kegals as I write..
    Yoga helps settle my mind and finding sometime to just be alone and relax. Cause some days everyone is soooo irritating. Maybe I ll walk the dog after I have a nap lol. Thanks again

    • Danelle Harvey says:

      hahahahah I cracked up at this. Because this is soooo me. Everyone can be irritating…and a nap would be fantastic. ????

  41. DeeDee says:

    Hi Danelle! I’ll be 52 this August and I have all the symptoms except the hot flashes and hog barn pits. Whoa! I guess I can’t wait for that! lol! Let us not forget the lady beard and mustache too though! lol! Eleven years ago my periods went haywire and I had to have a uterine ablation, so no periods since 2007 but I still get all the go with its of period time…Oh joy! I’m a giant introvert already but my anxiety levels are way off the chart now, so annoying! I tried the CBD oil for it, but I was so scared of being drug tested at work that I stopped taking it….it really seamed to help me though.

    A little PSA for your “wisdom enriched” readers: Ladies, please have some blood work done even if you’ve done so recently (I was getting mine done once yearly). Apparently its a thing to drink too much water and even be malnourished even when you think you are eating well! Getting older is ok, we just have to pay more attention to our health than we did before. I wouldn’t go back to my younger self because I AM NOT doing all that crappy stuff again! 🙂

    Thank you for writing this Danelle, now I know I’m not going through all of this alone.

    • Danelle Harvey says:

      Awwww I love this. I had the ablation and SURPRISE…. it didn’t work. ???? I was one of “those people” that it didn’t work on. I’m with you. I would NEVER go back to my younger years…ever.

  42. mcgrathinnola says:

    And the moustache and beard hairs that come from nowhere
    …… let’s get real!

  43. Brigit says:

    I am just starting the big M…I have the insomnia and crabbiness for sure. Oh wait..thats been all my life. I loved reading your post and all the responses to follow. My sister pees her pants constantly. One day I had to take her shoe outside and rinse it out because we were laughing so hard she peed down her pants into it! Keep on going gals. You both crack me up. I’d rather have “pretend” friends most days…Bahaha!

  44. Ramona Myers says:

    Your menopausal complaints are real and valid. I’m 65 now (retired RN) and no periods/menses since age 48. Have you looked into Bio-identical hormones? I’ve been on them for years. Sleep well most of the time and haven’t had a hot flash in ages. Bio-identical HRT is as close to what your body used to make naturally. I get mine from a compounding pharmacy and fortunately have a Physician and PA willing to prescribe them. Mine are compounded so the form of estrogen linked to causing breast cancer is eliminated. I don’t know what part of the state you live in but hopefully some physicians in one of your major cities believes in them. My Dr. refers to it as “quality of life.” Yes, indeed! I had my blood levels drawn before starting the medication. Additionally my physician has me take a B12-folate Supplement and a D-3. She believes every menopausal woman should be on them. The B-12/folate helps our brain and the D-3 helps my bones. The best to you!

    • Danelle Harvey says:

      This is actually exactly what I’ve been looking into. I’m due for a yearly in the next couple of months, and am going to talk about this very thing. Thank you.

  45. Ramona Myers says:

    Did some research for you. Custom Med is a compounding pharmacy in Indianapolis and they do compound the Bio Identical HRT and states they will work with your physician. They sound very reputable and if your physician doesn’t believe in prescribing the Bio-Identicals the pharmacy can more than likely point you in the right direction. Hang in there! Keep us posted!

  46. Deb Myers says:

    Danelle, Im sure glad I found you guys!- ah…..someone that goes through some of the same things I do, and loves tje chippy goodness! Lol????????As with Deb, this Deb too had a complete hysterectomy back in the 90’s!- see who is old here girl! Just a ripe ole 60. An how I took the supplement premarin about a yrs then heard it caused heart disease so just stopped. I haven’t had anything sense.
    It made me feel very strange. So glad I’m stopped that!
    Anyhow I’m pretty sure I still have some of these effects. I wonder if u have menopause in spells, like the older u get…since it wasn’t nataral. Gotta do my research. – missed you…been laid up for a week with some ugly mean stomach virus, been to ER once and my Dr once.
    Anyhow-big thanks for the article! We are not alone! ????

    • Danelle Harvey says:

      UGH…. The stomach flu is the worse. Glad you are feeling better. ????

    • Kristina says:

      Hi everyone,

      New menopausal here. 4 weeks post total Hys and ovaries removed. Ì am currently.on the Estalis combo patch. Ì still experience not great sleep and hot flashes once in a while. Ì also notice if I ha e red wine even a few sips I start to get really warm from neck up and feel like I’m on fire. Ì havnt tried any other drinks but wonder if other feel this?

  47. Sharon says:

    Rotflmbo! You make me chuckle and you nailed it. I don’t have the armpit stench and I don’t need the pee pants, but I have a few of my own menopause joys.
    1. Brain fog. I think I have a brain wall. I used to be intelligent but I no longer seem to be able to articulate a complete thought full of the correct vocabulary.
    2. Name Calling. I can’t call any of my family by the right name and I can’t remember anyone’s name I used to know until at least 30 minutes after I have departed their company.
    3. Memory Loss. I am one step away from the nutty hatch or the Alzheimer unit.
    4. I get flustered. Easily. I have to tell people to back off because I can only handle one thing at a time. What happened to the amazing multi-tasker. Most days, I can’t fight my way out a paper bag.
    5. Oil. Yes, I can’t get enough. I put oil, yes facial oil, on my face two to three times a day and I still look like a prune.
    6. Eyebrows. Have you seen mine? I have to use an eyebrow pencil now and they are still almost invisible. They have just faded away….
    7. I used to sleep like the dead, now I wake like the dead. I never sleep straight through. Some times I am glad morning is here so I can stop trying to sleep and can drink coffee.
    8. Gas. Nobody told me this will increase in an exponential way and no longer be under control.
    9. Can’t put the last one in print, but damn, it is not pleasant either.

  48. Kim Bair says:

    Danella I truly appreciate your honesty and humor!! I went through menopause starting at 39 and by 50 was done. My main complaint was hot flashes and severe mood swings. I swear the devil was buried inside me lol. Well I had a hysterectomy last year and the hot flashes have started all over again!! ugh! I am always stripping! and the anxiety!! I have it double as I also have been battling colon cancer so it is such fun sleeping or not sleeping many nights. Thank you for making me laugh!!

  49. Kim says:

    I went through it twice or three times! Once naturally. The damn hot flashes! I was always stripping lol! Oh my favorite part was I did not care what came out of my mouth. I finally got balls!! I went through the hot flashes again with chemo treatments and now because I had a complete hysterectomy. I still cannot sleep. Thank God for drugs! thanks for sharing. You and Deb make days more enjoyable!!

    • Danelle Harvey says:

      Awwwwww…. I get it. Seriously, I feel like we’ve earned the right to say how we feel.

  50. Rese says:

    I would suggest getting laser hair removal for underarms. IT WORKS!! No joke! It takes about 8-10 laser sessions to completely remove the hair (you go once a month or every 6 weeks), BUT, the smell and sweaty-ness are gone (except when you are working out etc).

  51. LAURA says:

    I can’t begin to tell you how much I enjoy your blog. It makes me have a more laughable approach going through menopause I’m so glad to hear that I’m not the only one going through this and I’m not crazy!!????. ❤️????

  52. I had a hysterectomy at 26 and really didn’t notice any problems until about 48. I’m 52 now and the sweating, hunger and dryness (from my face to my toes) caused me to start checking around for natural remedies as well. Breast cancer is prevalent in my family so, I really felt like that was my only choice. Long story short…I take “bovine” estrogen. It’s made by “Solaray” and the label says “Female Caps”. My local health food store carries it at around $20 bottle but, I did find it online for for $8 bottle. Seems to help everything! It’s literally cow estrogen. A plus is that after reading how much a man’s testosterone falls off after age 35 (and NO one talks about this either!) I found bovine testosterone (called “Male Caps”) for my husband and he takes it every other day. Without giving too much information….this is a happy house! Lol!

  53. Older...and Still Going! says:

    Yeah….”meanopause” does have it’s disgusting symptoms! But I look at it this way, there are the up-sides to it too.
    1. No more periods…though mine were never that bad, I wasn’t one of those “every 28 days” people so it was a guessing game as to when it would start. Ugh!
    2. At this age, I too am in a state of “who cares?” when it comes to ‘doing what’s right’. Sometimes I say yes, sometimes I say no but ultimately it’s me who decides. And that is something, at least for me, that has come with getting older. It’s happier for me 🙂
    4. Did you know that a lot of men actually like older women? Yup. Or at least so say some studies. Men acknowledge the fact that older often means wiser and also a LOT less drama compared to younger women. (So ladies, those guys are not necessarily lookin’ for the slim size 6, no wrinkles, no gray hair ladies out there. 😉 )
    5. I could list a bunch of other upsides but honestly the best thing is, if you’re here to talk about all this, at least you’re not dead. Well, hey, I’m right aren’t I? 😉 I have had some friends die so young…they missed all this time. Embrace this time…if you can. Get “help” if you need it, be it alternative health care (I found black cohosh is my friend), traditional health care or other methods to get you through this normal time.
    6. Last thing: I’m 63 but thanks to good genes, most people think I’m about 45. I have an Eastern European background so I think that helps. 😉 My 107 year old great aunt looked like about 75 years old right up till the time of her death. And yes, I still have a few symptoms but the more I dwell on them, it seems the worse they get. (Go figure?!?!?) Denial? Yeah maybe, but for me it kinda works.

    Embrace this time because just like all other facets and stages of our lives, it’s normal.

  54. Brenda says:

    I follow you on Instagram and for some reason, I had never read your blog! This article has made me laugh out loud & see your amazing outlook on your lives. I so needed this!! I had a hysterectomy about 10 years ago (38) but they left my ovaries to ease me into menopause. I mistakenly thought ok, this won’t be so bad…um yeah, apparently they forgot to mention a few things! After reading your article, I can relate to so many things you have said. The armpits, I haven’t had that yet. I will say yet, because I have this feeling that is one of the things they forgot to mention too 😉 Your upbeat way of describing yourself & your spouse has really helped me. I have been so down on myself, and your article just made me feel so much better. The dry skin is the “new” symptom for me recently. The mood swings, omg, I am surprised that my hubby hasn’t called for a exorcism!! lol My mom used to say, just wait, you will piss your pants some day too. Boy, was she right! I applaud you for having the courage to write this article & talk about these things. I have read this article so many times & I’m still laughing and now I better go change! lol

    • Danelle Harvey says:

      hahahahahahaha Awwwwwww… thanks so much for the kind words. It’s a real struggle with all of us to get through this.. but we will! Thanks for following along!

  55. Laurence says:

    I’m a 54 french girl since last week and I know everything you describe… for 5 years… Did you already try “Fleurs de Bach Elixir” (I Don’t know the English name, may be Bach flowers elixir ?). It’s completely natural and I try this for sleeping which is my VERY big problem since few years, and it seems to help me. It must be used during several days before having a positive effect but may be you can try ? It also help a lot for anxiety problems… (sorry for my poor English !)

    • Danelle Harvey says:

      Oh thank you. I need to look that up. I’m sleeping better because I’m taking magnesium but I love to find new things.

  56. Lynn-Carole says:

    I have all this and more. Vaginal atrophy, caused by the menopause, means I can literally no longer physically have relations with my husband at all, I am so sore. No cure. I am only 52. My cycle stopped 18 months ago and I have put on 60lb and gone from a slim, fit UK size 10 weightlifter with a 27 inch waist to now having a permanent 44 inch waist. I have sweats 24 hours a day. I cannot have any HRT because I have a condition that forbids it. If I had any idea any of this was coming, I would have been devastated. It has ended my health, my career and all of my friendships. Oh – and I can no longer tolerate even one drop of alcohol, have 3 day headaches and I stink like a teenage boy who hasn’t showered for 3 days. No-one told me any of this would happen. My doctor says it is all “normal”, including the sciatica that has appeared from nowhere, and the sudden onset asthma. Thanks for your post.

    • Danelle Harvey says:

      Oh my gosh…. I’m sorry about all of that. I have been trying to take care of every little new thing that comes up. It is just so maddening that we can change this much.

  57. CHRISTY Turner says:

    I am you, you are me…..I felt like I was reading about me. That you know me and wrote this about me. haha Why does no one talk about this? Some days I feel like I’m going crazy because so much of these symptoms and feelings are not me. Well, who I used to be. haha Anyway, thanks for sharing and talking about this and giving me some comfort and solace. Absolutely love how you decorate! I am slowly trying to redecorate my house now. Being an empty nester and really tapping into me now. 🙂 <3 Want to have coffee sometime?…… wait, no?? … me neither! hahaha Blessings and Peace!!

    • Danelle Harvey says:

      HAHAHAHAHH AWWW… bless your heart. And, I totally get it as I feel like I’m a different person. ???? thanks so much for the kind words.

  58. GiGi says:

    Wow…I am glad and sad to hear all these awful things going on to not just me. I am 50 and feel like shit every day, night sweats, brain fog, pains, body aches, anxiety etc…my period just stopped completely about 6 months ago but started feeling like I was in someone elses body about a year and a half ago.
    I am having the hardest time dealing with the change in my looks. This is going to sound very vain but I guess I always have been. I WAS beautiful.. now I feel and look just disgusting . I just wondered if other women are having the same problems as me. My eyelashes are disappearing, makes me want to cry…
    looks like my pores are getting huge on my face, every part of my once tone body is drooping. I am getting lots of fat in the upper body , my boobs are headed to my arm pits… oh and did I mention beard hairs too!
    anybody else ? I think even my shoulders look bigger like a man… I wanna die. I hate the mirror.

    • Danelle Harvey says:

      I’m cracking up because YES….. I feel the same way. I do have to say that my eyebrows disappeared too and that is the first sign of thyroid problems. Maybe have yours checked.

  59. Jen says:

    I so needed this today. It’s hell getting older but knowing I’m not alone definitely helps. I’m sitting on my bed drinking coffee in my under pants because that’s the only way I can manage it while I’m having a hot flash. I Refuse to give up my coffee!!

    • Danelle Harvey says:

      hahahah I hear you. I just called my doctor yesterday because my regular cocktail of primrose oil isn’t cutting it anymore. He told me to add Vit.E. I will keep you posted. Are you on Instagram? I usually talk about lots of this stuff on stories.

  60. Jen says:

    Yep – since I stumbled across you I’m following on Instagram & Pinterest. Enjoying everything I’m reading & seeing. Please keep us posted about the Vit E.

  61. Catina says:

    Thank you so much for this. I really thought I was loosing my mind . I now know my brain fog heart flutters and heat waves are right on time.
    Catina 56 .

  62. Carolyn says:

    I just love this…it makes me feel less alone. I am 55, and I suppose kind of late getting into menopause. But in these last five years, I’ve aged badly enough and rapidly enough that I don’t recognize myself anymore. I’ve lost more than half of my formerly thick glorious head of hair, my arms and thighs sag down like someone took a seam ripper to them, I resemble a large barrel, with fat from out of nowhere that months of exercising and dieting won’t touch and yeah I do remember those days when I could skip lunch and lose 15 lbs. My arms and hands aged forty years in a matter of weeks. But I feel can speak my mind much more freely, and if I want to say MENOPAUSE HAS TRANSFORMED ME TO THE POINT WHERE I FEEL AND LOOK LIKE TOTAL shit and whoever says it’s a beautiful time of life, I want to kick their ass. There is great joy in saying what you mean without feeling the least little bit apologetic about it.

    • Danelle Harvey says:

      hahahahahahahah I literally laughed out loud at your description of the seam ripper. It really does do a number on you. I have been going to the gym since January and working out harder than I have ever worked out in my entire life. I will almost bet the next weigh-in I will have lost nothing. I just keep thinking that what would I be if I didn’t work out. ???? A doctor told my friend that she may as well hang up the notion of trying to lose weight WHILE going through menopause because it absolutely will not happen. It is all so frustrating sometimes…. hang in there. I totally get it.

  63. Sue says:

    Stopped periods at 58. It will be 10 yrs. In October. I was told hot flashes and night sweats quit by 10 yrs. after. I am counting the damn days! Please tell me there is a backside of this!!! The not caring about anything anymore…does that change? And the no energy…does that come back? I just feel like I’m in a slump and can’t get out!!!

  64. Vivienne Cousins says:

    Hilarious! Made me laugh out loud because it’s so true! What a fabulous take on it though! Funniest thing I’ve read for ages, let alone it being about the bloody menopause.
    No idea anymore where I am in it, but so fed up with it. I’m tempted to go on HRT but I promised my mum, that I wouldn’t and now she’s no longer here, so feel guilty just thinking about it. Ho humm
    Keep lifting our spirits by writing like this.
    In fact I’m going to print it off and carry it with me.

  65. Lorrie says:

    I’m 49 and starting menopause. There are days that I don’t even like myself (and my family probably thinks that I’ve lost my mind). Most frustrating is the uncontrollable mood swings and weight issues. I’ve always been able to maintain my weight, but it’s a struggle now. As a gym owner, I know how to lose weight, but it’s not easy for me and so frustrating. Thank you for sharing this blog post! It helps to know what I’m going through is normal.

  66. Carolyn says:

    Hey all, if I can post a link to the funniest article I’ve ever read about floppy batwing arms after 50, one of a multitude of destructive impacts that menopause has had on my poor pathetic body and soul, it’s right here at I nearly peed laughing ’cause my elderly weak bladder couldn’t stand up to the giggle fits.

    Also just on a site note about the..ahem…hogbarn odor changes…I do not (yet) have the hog barn pits, but the um..scent changes, if you will, are a little lower down and vile enough that no self-respecting hog would ever go near that area. It’s so nice to know that others realize this menopause and aging thing is a sucky time of life.

    When my girlfriend, who is 3 years older than me and who breezed through meno weighing 90 pounds dripping weight and still sporting toned arms said recently that at least age brings wisdom, I said it was easy for HER to say that, considering the amazing condition she is in, but I’d rather be stupid, young and hot! Well, with my 55 year old acquired knowledge and wisdom intact. hee hee. Women who manage to escape the horrific tortures of menopause kinda piss me off.

    Floppy, dried up, ballooned out and/or balding ladies on this rocky path through the murky bowels of menopause hell, who KNOW exactly what it is to go through a serious change, I cherish all of you! 🙂

    • Good says:

      Carolyn, the smell “down there” which I experience equates to a smell synonymous with hellebore, or fox piss. It’s so goddamn awful that I shave myself twice a week and wash myself with antibacterial hand wash every time I use the loo. I couldn’t live with myself otherwise…doesn’t matter what I eat or don’t eat. Oh, and also have a heightened sense of smell…

  67. Deb says:

    Thank you thank you thank you! I’ve shared your fantastic post with my dear friends who share this menopause hell, too. How do we hang on to our illusions of beauty after the damage this cycle does? I mean, they say its all about confidence, but damn, when even your doctor acts like your worst enemy its tough!

    • Danelle Harvey says:

      Seriously…. I just told Deb that I can see how people just “give up”…. it’s a constant battle. LOL

  68. Carolyn says:

    It is a hard struggle not to want to run out every night to buy several bags of tortilla chips, salsa and guacamole and a pint of ice cream, throw it into a big vat and roll around in it while stuffing myself sick. Especially on these days when I look 12 years pregnant, my hair looks half bald and my arms sag and wrinkle like I put 400 years on in three days. I don’t know HOW women are supposed to get through this. Menopause is a hideous DISEASE! There are some women who will hate me for saying this but that’s been my experience and I’ve not been through an illness as soul crushing and devestating as this. Was reading a “get a better body after 50” article from a menopausal fitness expert and I like her tips, but when she said this part of your life is the better half, I wanted to smack her into next week. I am trying a keto diet to see if it helps shed the menopot and batwing fat, and I think I am becoming a meaner bitch now than I was before!

    • Danelle Harvey says:

      I get it, honestly. I’m at the end of my ropes at this moment. I have hypothyroidism and going through menopause. I cannot lose one pound even though I am working out harder than I have in my life and eating nothing but healthy foods. I don’t sleep but in three hour segments, which leaves me exhausted and unable to concentrate and finish anything I start. I cannot focus for very long on anything. The anxiety and depression is in full force too. You really cannot tell me that we have to suffer through this. Because let me tell you. I fully 100% believe that if MEN went through this, there would have been a cure 100 years ago.

  69. Carolyn says:

    I really had to blink a few times and realize it was your name above the last post, because I could have SWORN I wrote that. Word for word. Including the end where you said if men went throught this there would’ve been a cure ages ago which is an idea constantly going through my mind! You sound exactly like me.

    I did learn a couple years ago that when I was pushing myself to death with exercise – 1.5 hours on the treadmill several days a week for starters, but eating my usual healthful diet (no junk food, no bread, no packaged anything, and no sugar – but loved my fruits and starchy veggies) – I was only getting fatter! I believe that resistance to fat loss and gaining even more fat was attributed to pushing too hard with hypothryoidism and spiking my cortisol levels. I learned overdoing it can easily pack on the pounds as counterintuitive as that may seem.

    I only just started doing a keto diet which means staying under 40g of carbs. I never eat sugar. I don’t bother weighing myself but go by how I look and feel. Honestly I still look blobby and shapeless but I’ve only been faithful to it for almost ten days (without caving in and running out for blue corn tortilla chips) and it will take some time to get the fat loss going, but already I am noticing more room in my clothes, except my stomach and arm floppage is far from under control.

    I am doing my best to hang onto the notion that I can turn things around, but battling estrogen that’s been super high, to practically non-existent, to subclinical hypothryoidism, high testosterone, etc. is a bitch. I’ve tried topical progesterone which gave me a bright red face and acne. I was on a low dose of thryoid meds, both natural and synthetic, and they gave me the same reaction. I can’t take hormones, period. But I knew my thyroid needed help.

    I’ve done nutritional and hormonal test working with a functional medical doctor, and after supplementing with the B’s I was deficient in, my TSH has finally come down from around or over 4.0 to in the 2.5 range and I am monitoring every three months. Your thryoid will fight you to the death on exercise and resist fat loss so it has to be watched!)

    The only nights I really manage to get any sleep is when I use my essential oil diffuser and drop in clary sage with a little lavendar. That is supposed to balance estrogen, but whether it’s true or not, it does help relax me. The other thing that’s tough that works if I religiously follow it (I don’t) is keeping the room dark and NO blue lights from ipad, laptop, tv, room lights, etc. after 10PM. My oil diffuser has an amber light and I sometimes use a salt lamp which is amber and that’s also okay for sleeping.

    I’ve read over and over about the connection between little sleep and fat loss resistance, which stems from not letting your cortisol level rest by being in a deep sleep between 11pm and 2 am or thereabouts. I think improving the quality and duration of sleep might be a missing link to get this stubborn fat off, as well as going low carb for a few months and then alternating one or two times a week to higher carbs to avoid throwing off the thyroid and sex hormone balance, which women are particularly prone to in menopause.

    The keto diet is supposed to be great for women in the menopause transition to knock off that unrelenting fat. Suprisingly to me, eating 100 grams of fat a day is helping, and I am not usually hungry. So if you haven’t tried this yet, it is worth a try. I also tend to be crazy anxious and while I do not recommend medication – I take .50 of Xanax once or sometimes twice a day, I know that trying to focus on whatever will help you feel calm is important.

    Sorry for this longwinded post! I thought why not share some of what I’ve done and see if this helps others. It’s been so helpful knowing this isn’t an isolated issue and there are so many of us in the same boat!

    • Danelle Harvey says:

      Thanks so much for this information. I just got my labs drawn yesterday to see where I am at thyroid and menopause wise. I just told Deb if they say everything is normal, I will pop my cork. Everything is NOT normal, because I feel crazy. ????????????‍♀️ I tried keto and I gained weight on that, too. Several people recommended intermittent fasting, but to be honest, I don’t eat anything after dinner anyways. I usually go over 12 hours without eating so I don’t think a few extra hours would do anything. One thing that I discovered yesterday was that when I made my appointment with my gynocologist for the labs (he is the one who found my thyroid issue) the lady who was scheduling said, “I hear you. I am having the SAME ISSUES as you are. Thyroid and menopause are a deadly combo. I saw every hour of the clock last night and am a walking zombie. I dozed off around 1:15, saw 2, saw 3, saw 4, and my alarm went off at 5.” I got off of the phone feeling hopeless and defeated. If a woman can WORK at a doctor’s office and still feel like shit, how are they going to help me? ????

  70. Erin says:

    Could you let me know how long you were on keto. And I was wondering if you counted calories…I am also trying this

  71. Carolyn says:

    Has anyone tried and gotten relief from HRT? Doubt I will even tolerate that if I can’t take topical progesterone but I am done with this B***sh*t. My stomach is even more HUGE after how many days of a strict low carb that’s supposed to get that weight falling off. I’ll try and give it at least 3 months then i am seriously DONE.

  72. Carolyn says:

    to Danelle – yes your traditional dr’s are definitely going to say you are fine even when you feel like shit – like me seeing endo, gyno, and primary with most of my hair thinned away, skin hanging down and wrinkled up everywhere, my boobs now lying on my lap when I sit down, no energy and almost suicidal. I found a functional medical and got full nutrition testing, am reversing numerous deficincies in Vit. D, as well as B and other; also I do full labs for hormones, include thryoid (TSH, Free T3, Free T4, Reverse T3) every couple of months. Since reversing a VIt b deficiency the poor thryoid values are improving. Upcoming lab will be doing another glucose test (For insulin resistance) and another type of cortisol test. I’d done saliva and 24 urine. Don’t accept this “you are fine” nonsense! Forgot to say I absolutely count calories on keto because if I exceed 1400, even while active, I’ll balloon up.

    • Danelle Harvey says:

      Oh, I’m not accepting any of it. I’m so over it. I made an appointment with a different place today. I will keep you all posted.

  73. Tamara Vasquez says:

    All I can say is thank you. I feel exactly how you feel. I’m glad I’m not alone. This shit sucks. Blessings to you.

  74. Teresa Webber says:

    Omg! You hit the nail on the head with all of it except you missed that our skin turns to shit & a negative zero sex drive. The HRT doesn’t help much either because it’s so impossible to find the tight combinations & dosages for each women. Sometimes depending where you would have been in your cycle, the HRT actually makes things worse. Well ladies, we can take comfort albeit small comfort in knowing we are not alone in this & it’s not in our heads. This shit is real!! Goid luck to all of you. It’s great we at least now are having conversations about this whereas our poor mother’s & grandmother’s had to suffer in silence.

  75. Lisa Boes says:

    Oh my Lord! Thank you so so so much for everything you said. I’m 51 and going through Menopause. When I first found out I was going through it, all my mother said to me was ” OMG your gonna lose your mind “. Thanks mom. And that was all. I live in Germany and these people are (all natural) people. I’m currently trying to get my Dr to put me on Hormones but I think I may need a gun to get her to do it. Every single woman I try to talk with just gives a sympathetic “oooooh” and they change the subject. It’s like they’re so happy to be done with it, should they ever speak of it again, it might come back. Lord Jesus help me. I met my husband online and informed him of my impending Menopause status, giving him the choice to run for the hills. But nope, he said he’ll stay. ???????? I said ok well hang on because it’s gonna get ugly. I wonder if he regrets it. Fool but he’s a keeper.

  76. Connie Cardenas says:

    I have all that too…the sleep is the hardest for me…i just don’t sleep anymore. Has anybody had heart palpitations. I have them all the time and they freak me out. went to the emergency dept and got hooked up the the ekg machine and it showed nothing wrong with my heart. But i get them all the time. They say its part of Menopause…

  77. Good says:

    Hi Danelle, you are hilarious and Oh God, I have had every menopausal symptom and more for last 7 years and cannot wait to be rid of this riot (started periods at age 10 and infertile to boot). Night sweats probably the worst, rolling round naked on top of the covers in a sweat bath for ages, before getting cold and diving under covers again, only to heat up within 5 mins and whole cycle repeats itself again so you get NO sleep. I swear that takes the cake alongside the immense disconnect you feel with society in general.
    I’ve dealt with menopause primarily through alcohol, doctors would not help me as they said hormones were normal and would not prescribe me drugs for bipolar, so felt really on my own. Thank God for wine and whisky.

  78. sara says:

    menopause is a transition state and not getting old of course. changes in the concentration of some hormones will cause some changes in women’s behavior and body.
    I am 24 and searching about menopause for my mom to know how i should behave and help her to pass through this transition state and then get relax (not old) and I think it is my duty.
    most of women are worried and anxious about 50 and menopause because for many years we have been thinking that when we get 50 we will have menopause and this means getting old.
    but menopause actually means feeling relax and living without troubles related to periods.

    • gillian says:

      with all due respect you are 24 years old and that is not what menopause means ! imagine feeling like every you had a final exam or had just run track or were coming down with the flu . that’s menopause. it’s stress discomfort ,fatigue and a general sense of oh fuck!

  79. Carolyn says:

    Such a charming disillusion about menopause the 24 year old has. I hope you can hold on to that notion and forget about this entirely for at least 30 years. Then, do pop back after you’ve gone through it (I’ll be dead by then, but I hope Danelle is still kickin’) and let us know if you still think this traumatic time of life has anything whatsoever to do with feeling relaxed and not worrying about periods. From a 55 year old’s perspective, I think it is more about the complete and systematic destruction of every aspect of your physical body (skin, hair, weight, fat to muscle ratio. I also think it’s about extreme hair loss, not wanting to get up from my couch, since I do not enjoy the sensation of walking around in a sagging rubbery fat suit which appears several sizes too large for my body. And it’s about completely losing your mind (reread what I wrote in previous sentence to understand why.) The occasional fortunate women just skates through, I hear. Perhaps they are the ones you’re thinking of. Sorry to sound like a tremendous bitch, but note that’s a significant aspect of the transition as well.

  80. Anonymous says:

    I love you for this – going through so much shit at the moment and you have made me laugh and cry! Nobody seems to talk about the shit you go through during this time and your outspoken way has helped me soooooo much. Thank you for your honesty – I am now confident to say no and to wear my crappy jogging bottoms and T shirt and be proud of it xxxx

    • Danelle Harvey says:

      hahahaha Bless your heart. I have become very good at saying NOPE… Can’t … ????

  81. Dominick smith says:


  82. Shelley Ihde says:

    Thank you being extremely by somedays, feeling dead inside,headaches, no energy, missy pants mood swings, insomnia, anxiety MADD, And all the rest and more I live with everyday and because of and not planning for or ever being able to get no matter how hard I try I need help from family or even my man but in order to receive any help all those things are thrown out the window. To bad suck it up we don’t care if we can do it you can do it not only for myself but for them to. I would give my knowledge in place of a youthful can do for myself body in only 55 I need a body that can do what I have to do live I’ve tried to find my knowledge job just haven’t been able to find one that will support me. Physically do to not getting and staying fit, physical disabilities, inheritance of disorders that make it harder to do. Plus putting myself in a insecure future. Had only made getting older non thing but extremely painful and hard to be worth going on. But I want to so I keep trying I know there’s not a magic bean I know something I try makes it seem harder in the beginning but I have to find something somehow I can do to change it. So love your article I don’t feel so alone and it helps but begging for suggestions because I’m lost and need to find away to make me keep going. Love to hear all suggestions of what’s helped others. My biggest problems are No energy and lots of pain and having to do more then my body will allow me to do. Would love to hear from others.

  83. Sheryl says:

    I had a hyster back when I was 35 from a prolapsed uterus.
    I still have my ovaries. But I’m now 52 and I could eat the recliner most days. And no I never lose 1 freakin pound. Never. I fasted for 3 days. Know what I lost? 3 days!! I feel your pain. And without a sleeping pill I’d never ever make it through the night.
    Thank you for sharing this I needed to know I’m not the Lone Ranger

  84. Jean says:

    I’m a few years older than you and I feel almost all of what you described!
    Thanks for making me feel it’s not just me!

  85. Michele Cheatham says:

    Thank you for the menopause blog. There is something about knowing others are going through crazy town and you’re not alone. I’m hanging on to my low dose estrogen for now but know I’ll need to give it up at some point and dread what will happen since the first time I was thrown into was soooo much fun, Not! Love you gals and appreciate you sharing the good, the bad and sometimes even ugly (damn hormones).

  86. yo adrienne says:

    Oh my dear God….I feel like I could have written that. I’m 52 and every damn thing has changed in the last 2-3 years….WHY isn’t this talked about more??? I love you guys and thanks for being REAL…which is seriously lacking in this ridiculously effed up world right now. Now I’ll just be over here minding my business and being sour at my hubs that’s 10 years older than me and decided that our sex life was over 4 years ago and didn’t bother to tell me!!! Lol! Of course it’s been so long now that I don’t give a shit…#littleoldlady

  87. Alex says:

    How long did it take for your symptoms go? I’m tired of feeling tired and all those other things ????

  88. Tina says:

    Oh yeah, menopause SUCKS!! The only thing good about it is no periods. I mean some days I can’t even stand my own dang self!! And how about crying like a 5 year old over ANYTHING?!? What the heck?!? I’m a grown a&& woman acting like I’m 5 sometimes. The weight gain, the hot flashes, all of it. Super annoying!

  89. Stacey Lasiter says:

    Yes, Yes,Yes! All of this! The hot flashes are so deep from the inside. I have noticed they are stronger when I would normally have my cycle. I am usually very mellow but, something so small can throw me into a rage. Oh, and the damn eating and extra exercise with little movement on the scale, ugh! But, I would not go back either.

  90. Amy Jasinski says:

    ALL of the above!!! Working out like a crazy woman right now and could eat my shoe immediately after! Get home from work and I would give a million bucks to go straight to bed. Number 6 child is 15, otherwise known as Peter Pan by my friends who have NO children at home anymore ! “ Amy, will that boy ever grow up ?” Recently divorced after 31 years of marriage , Glory Be To God, and I just want PEACE …. of course I wouldn’t trade Peter in for anything but Menopause is definitely for the birds !!

  91. Sonia says:

    I had a hysterectomy at 33, they were so kind and left my ovaries because I was so young. At 36, I started peri menopause. It started with hot flashes not just being hot all the time like I am now. I mean I would feel the heat start building on the inside and then it would just move through my body very very slowly. I couldn’t get away from the heat. That was followed by the night sweats. I would wake up in the middle of the night, on the nights I actually slept, soaking wet. The bed was so wet sometimes I had to move to the couch and change the sheets in the morning or after work.

    I took one month of the lowest dose of HRT for one month and that pretty much took care of it for a while. I didn’t have any more symptoms until I was in my late 40s(I’m 55 now). This time on top of what was going on before, the mood swings hit. I totally understand what you mean about waking up mad, or emotional. I couldn’t stand myself and started taking HRT and helped so much.
    Until I had to have a mammogram 2 years ago before my dr would renew my HRT prescription. Yup, you guessed it, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. After 2 surgeries to remove the evil lump from my body, & 33 radiation treatments, I was cancer free. I cannot and would not take hormones ever again, my cancer was being fueled by the HRT. Plus part of my treatment plan includes taking a hormone blocker, so now I’m in a constant state of menopause. They did give me an anti-depressant which helps with the hot flashes and my mood swings. Thank you for this post!!

  92. Michelle Goustin says:

    I loved reading this and finding out that I’m not the only one going through all of these same symptoms! You hear it is different for everyone and I was glad to hear we share most of the same symptoms, as glad as one can be going through this. ????I also had a complete hysterectomy last year due to endometrial cancer and boy did it not take long for the menopause to hit wide open after that! I have good days and bad days with this menopause stuff and I just try to enjoy the good days when they come. Thank you for sharing yours and Debs story and keeping it real, not many people do that.????

  93. Angela says:

    Yes to All Of The Things!! I thought I was having a nervous breakdown! I was so anxious and having panic attacks that I didn’t leave my house for 2 years. I was on the pill to regulate my periods and nobody even considered that I might be going thru menopause. My migraines that started in my 30’s were completely debilitating. It SUUUUCCCKKKED! Then my friend sent me to her naturopath and I started on HRT and I slowly but surely got better. Out of the house, lunching with friends, driving all over, the whole bit. I felt great. My migraines got a tiny bit better, but not much. Then I got breast cancer. The HRT didn’t cause the cancer, it just fed it. So no more HRT for me but I’m doing much better even without it. Maybe it’s the breast cancer that made me almost better emotionally. Or the new antidepressant? New migraine meds? ???? Hard to explain but even here at the beginning of treatment, during Covid bc why wouldn’t I get breast cancer during a pandemic? ????

    Meanwhile, my wife had a completely hysterectomy a few years ago and the HRT didn’t do much for her energy level or mood – she’d always been so even and suddenly she was, well, not so even. ????. Oh, and zero libido for both of us. HRT fixed mine but didn’t fix hers so that’s been a total blast. She stopped HRT when I got cancer, it was just too scary for US. Not knocking anyone else’s choice, we just went a different route.

    As I get older and life happens to us, I find my Give A Damn is just broken. I serious DGAF if someone is unhappy. I try to play nice, but right now, it’s ALL about ME.

    We are much like y’all in that we are getting ok with being this way. We’re comfortable. It’s nice going thru it with your best friend, you don’t feel so alone.

    Thanks for being honest. Love everything about your page. Everything!

  94. Barb says:

    Yes, all of this! I started in my 40’s and I was miserable! I was in a bad mood all the time. I was angry and volatile. It wasn’t good. It’s gotten better, I’m over that anger and feeling horrible. I still have the foggy brain though. Thank you for sharing your experience!

  95. patricia says:

    I was lucky. All I got was hot flashes. No mood swings. No other aches and pains. I was also a part of a two year study about herbal remedies so black cohosh (and other herbs) were provided. After 6 months, hot flashes went away. Wound up using some form of herbal remedy for 10 yrs before symptoms went away forever.

    Like you, I like who I am now even if everything has slid south on me.

  96. kristin says:

    Thankyou! Yes everything you said you guys have i have too! Hearing it from you guys makes me feel better about it all because it sure can be scary sometimes feeling you may be the only one!

  97. Anonymous says:

    Puffy eyes, bone loss on my jaw line, loss the fullness in my cheeks and hearing loss. Bigger boobs, stomach and butt! And definitely less energy!

  98. Rita says:

    At 54, I can relate to so much. What gets me is being so tired and not caring. I get that. I’ve also just started waking up throughout the night and hot/cold at the same time. Thank you for being honest. I’ve heard of the cohosh before and may try it.

  99. LyricBlue (on IG) says:

    Thank you for this. (& for mentioning it again yesterday 9-11-2020) Enjoy you guys so much! ????

  100. Ayelet May says:

    Sensible bean for dinner ???? ????????!!!

  101. Anonymous says:

    Oh my!!! Are we the same person?? I am 54 and was always slim, happy, outgoing, confident and fit. I also still have a very young mindset!! I am experiencing almost ALL of what you are… no armpit problem yet, I don’t think!!! I begged my dr to put me back on the pill, which causes breakthrough bleeding about everyday which is super fun. I am currently on my second 3”month trial” of a little higher dose. I’m not ok with the weight I’m at which is the high normal for my height of 5’4”. I also was recently diagnosed with adhd and take a small amount of Adderall which affects my appetite, so I’ll have coffee a protein shake a yogurt and a small dinner and the scale doesn’t budge… I also walk 2 miles a day. I recently read that weight training is excellent for women our age, so, I’m giving that a go!! It’s so comforting to know that others understand this SHIT. Like being a woman, wife, mom, and worker isn’t enough for us!!! Thank you so much for this !! It made me laugh and realize I’m not alone!!!! I say we do our best to kick its ASS!!!!!

  102. Jackie says:

    I’ll be 53 in Dec and boy this is me ! The tired part drives me nuts ! Love you both , thanks for keeping it real ????????~Jackie

  103. Uninterested says:

    All of this! Yes!! But no one has mentioned, the hushed subject of the Lack of Libido! Like seriously, I could care less. I totally have to talk myself into “ok, it’s been long enough, I’m going to have to do it!” I know I’m not alone on this-I’ve asked my same aged friends and they are all there too…No interest. It’s not lack of love. I love my husband very much, love our life. Thank goodness he’s patient!

  104. The Cobblestone Cottage says:

    Everything you said! (Except hot flashes, thank god) At 55, had a hysterectomy last year. LOVE not having periods and blood floods, hubs and I miss my libido SO much! Any info you can give on natural remedies would be welcomed.

  105. Laura says:

    Thank you for sharing I felt so alone now things make sense….my hardest 3 is the pissy panties I keep a dew pair in my purse with baby wipes…2) them dam hot flashes 3) I dont like people I just want to be left the fuck alone…oh yeah and I am starting to feel heavy ????????..

  106. Lisa says:

    OMG I’m crying from laughing so hard because somebody FINALLY wrote about menopause as it really is…..A SHIT SHOW we women live through at some point!!! Thank you!!!! I’m finally on the other side of most of it now after 8 years of hell and don’t really give a f**k about anything or anyone anymore! I love the part about you and Deb being introverts and not wanting to do anything! Me Too!! I just don’t care who I make mad anymore; I’m busy taking care of me!! We need more honest pieces like this to wake up the world to the joys and pains of menopause. I feel like we go through fire, literally, and come out gems on the other side and we should celebrate that!! Thanks for helping me see I’m not alone or crazy!!

  107. Bumny says:

    All of the above. Latest symptom my woman parts lost sedation. Always enjoyed a roll in the hay. Solo or together. I’m so irritated. Mood swings, loss of hair, smells, weight gain, lack of control around sweets, starving no matter how much or what I eat. How the heck does one feel sexy with all this? Not to mention weight gain was so rapid I don’t recognize myself.20 lbs in six months. Total 60 lbs from my wedding day. I would happy to loose the 20.

  108. Gina Logrande says:

    Everything about the entire situation has been pissing me off for three years and it’s not improving. I neither signed up for this nor agreed to any of it, and I am hostile AF. I am simultaneously dead inside while wanting to cry every hour of every day. My gorgeous naturally curly hair has been replaced by giant gaps of thinning frizzy wisps where the scalp literally shines on through. The Sahara desert has taken up residence where my vagina used to be and the dryness is off the charts no matter how many gallons of lube I use. I have ZERO arousal, but it’s a damn good thing since I can barely stand talking to my husband much less having sex with him, so I’ll probably be heading for divorce court once this shitshow comes to an end and he runs off to Thailand with his pilates instructor. Did I fail to mention my new shopping adventures in the diaper aisle, the constant litterbox smell, the extra deodorant, or the endless “doorway” syndrome? Literally every time I walk into another room, I have no idea why I’m there. And don’t get me started on the gym. I am sick to death of seeing 20-somethings flaunting their flat stomachs, high asses, tight skin, and CHAD boyfriends when I know they go home and eat 6 bags of flaming Cheetos every night while I’m cruising the internet for plastic surgeons to return my meat sack back to its original upright position. Of course with all of this, the negative feelings about my relationships have all ramped up to DEFCON 4 levels. I have a bag packed and one foot out the door every other day. Add to this pile of stinking shit the unexpected role of babysitter to a 72-year-old woman who has neglected every aspect of self-care for the last 20 years and is easily the most self-absorbed, resistant, ignorant and challenging human being I have ever met. Guess which ONLY CHILD got stuck on this party barge? And in caase anyone asks. I never had hot flashes. I had 200 bpm heart palpitations that sent paramedics to my house and me to the ER on 7 separate occasions. Until I finally broke down and went on HRT and mega doses of beta-blockers for the panic attacks, I hadn’t slept in 10 years.So yeah, someone needs to start a group: WOMEN AGAINST MENOPAUSE. I’ll be happy to bring the flaming hot cheetos.

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