There is a lot of trial and error that goes into packing a diaper bag when you are hauling around a few kids.  How many blowouts will your newborn have?  What will your toddler spill down the front of his brand new shirt?   Will I need more than six diapers during my time I’m away?

What if I were to tell you that us oldies need a few must-haves when we are out and about, too.  For the sake of a good laugh (or we will cry) let’s just call this:

The Guide to Packing an Old Lady Diaper Bag

The Perfect Bag:  You will want a nice looking bag or tote to disguise the contents.  You don’t want it to scream, “Look… I am carrying my old lady diaper bag. ”  I recommend one that is pretty on the outside but has pockets for organizing the below items.  Or this back pack if you want to look sporty!

Dark Chocolate:  Eating dark chocolate can make you happy and improve your brain function.  Don’t believe me?  Google it.  ????  Not only does it act as a mood stabilizer (think hot flash and mood swings) but it will give you that sugar rush. (think low energy)  It will kill two birds with one stone.  Always keep a piece of delicious dark chocolate somewhere handy to release those happy endorphins. Warning:  Sugar can make hot flashes worse, and create an even worse than normal insomnia sitch.   So eat sparingly.

Energy Bar:  Let’s face it.  Energy is at an all time low and hunger is at an all time high.  Keep a Lara energy bar in your old lady diaper bag for those days when you are starving immediately after eating your lunch.

Fresh Undies:  I recommend a few extras.  Sneezing, standing, laughing, jumping, running, walking, coughing, bouncing, and pretty much just sitting can make us oldies need a change of undies.  I lovingly refer to this as “pissy pants.”  A clean change of undies will prepare you for any situation that may arise.

Panty Liners:   Panty liners serve as two purposes.  They will suffice when you’ve gone through your fresh pair of undies above.   And, they will be readily available when you start your period…….. AGAIN.  ????

Wipes:  Cleansing and deodorizing adult wipes are needed for a multitude of things.   Along with the pissy pants problem and the possibility of starting of your period you haven’t had for 9 months, they can also be used for your hog barn smelling armpits.

Natural Deodorant:  Two hours after leaving the house, and after using the above adult wipes to freshen up the old pits, apply another application of a good natural deodorant.  This is a definite must!  (Read why I use an all natural deodorant.)

Fan:  Obvies, the fan is for the hot flashes.  But there are many different types of fans that are available these days.  There are these very pretty paper foldable fans that you can tuck into the side of your purse or old lady diaper bag to use while waiting in a check out line.    There are, also, some new fangled whirly gig fans that plug into your cell phone.  And handheld models that are portable and can be charged with any USB port.

Amber Misting Bottle:  Add a few drops of peppermint oil to an amber misting bottle and fill with water.  Use this to spray your neck and face.  The water will lead you to believe you were a little overzealous in your spraying techniques rather than facing the fact there are sweat beads rolling down your face.

Sweater:   Following a debilitating hot flash, you are sometimes left with wet clothing and then get chilled.  Throw in an extra sweater for these moments.

Sweat Pants:  When you just can’t stand to be in your tight pants any longer, sweat pants are the perfect solution for those long car rides home.  Oh…and for the possibility of the pissy pants sitch above.  ????????‍♀️

Moisturizing Lotion:  Because you will now have the skin of a reptile, you will need some extra moisturizing lotion for your scales.

Fidget Spinner:  Fidget Spinners are promoted as helping people who have trouble focusing.  There are claims that it helps children with ADHD, ADD, and Autism to calm down and stop fidgeting.  (think MADD – menopausal attention deficit disorder)   Take it from someone who has one…. it works.  ????  I have the typical fidget spinner but saw a few newer models on the market.  You can never have enough in my opinion.  Keep one in your side table by your “nest on the couch” and one in your old lady diaper bag.  But you will definitely want to splurge on a high quality model.  Trust me, I know this too.  ????

Strong Reading Glasses:  You can never have enough readers.  I buy them in a package of four.  As most of you know, I have them on top of my head at all times.  Tuck another pair into the pocket of your old lady diaper bag for those moments when you can’t find the ones that are on the top of your head.  ????

Tweezers:  Do I even need to explain?  ????  I sure like this idea of these illuminating tweezers with a lipstick case.

Large Portable Magnifying Mirror:  After the initial shock of what you actually look like in a magnifying mirror, accept, and move on.  This large 4″ magnifying mirror comes in very handy when your spouse is driving.  Use in conjunction with the above tweezers.

Pain Reliever:  Pain reliever is a necessity.  Not only for the joint pain and muscle aches, but the hormonal headaches are nothing to laugh at.

Word Search Book:  Just when you think you can’t deal with another stupid person, resort to your car over your lunch hour, and do a mindless LARGE print word search or even a crossword puzzle to keep your mind fit.  ????

Head Phones:  Listen to your favorite tunes with a great set of head phones to drown out all of the distractions around you.  Music is the best therapy in my book and can take you back to places from your past.

We have two choices in this phase of mid-life or 3/4 life…whatever it is.  We can laugh about the fact that each and every single one of us truly needs an old lady diaper bag, or will be needing one in the future.  Or we can cry.

I choose to laugh my way through it all.

Thanks so much for stopping by for a visit.  I cannot tell you how much it means to me and I pledge my love from deep down inside of my old lady heart!  ❤

Buh bye, now!

Danelle